Are you at a place in life where you feel as if you have no real clue as to who you are. I’m not talking about you role (nurse, teacher, therapist, mom, wife, coach, SW, administrator, boss, entrepreneur, speaker). I’m talking about who you are at your core.
I believe that is why so many of us women are always pursing more in life. I believe most of our pursuits, beyond our first career choice and first few years of college or building a stable career foundation is about searching for the woman God created us to be.
I started my career off as a nursing assistant, which I chose in high school. Our school had a tech program from which we could choose either shop (cars), woodworking, homeconomics, and health occupations. I chose health ocupations because it was easy for me to eliminate all the others.
During my time in health occupations, I was introduced to the nursing field and somehow tied that to words whispered to me as a child, from God in which he spoke to me these word, “work with my children”.
As a young girl, I was introspective (still am). I would often spend time in a contemplative state, talking with the man called “Jesus”. I did not know much about him at that time other that what the song I sang in Sunday school said, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so”, and from hearing my mom call aout His name whenever she was experiencing some sort or physical pain.
I would often talk to God, when I was sad, felt alone, or rejected. It was during these times I would hear Him speak. Not in a audible voice, but in a quiet whisper within my heart.
OK. back to our point. After high school, I went on to become a cosmetologist, opened my own hair salon. Not long after, I had this linging to follow what I thought was God’s will for me and became an RN. However, my heart was never really content. There seem to be more that my heart longed to do.
For a period of time in my life, I was an associate minister at my home church. This was a prescious time in my life. A time that I felt I was dong exactly what God wanted me to do, because it was a good thing to do. So was nursing. So was helping women feel beautiful by styling their hair in ways that showed their uniqueness ( The name of my salon was “So-Unique Hair Design).
All of the roles I have participated in are great roles. They each make people feel better about themselves in some way. Whether helping in the healing and recovery process of the physical body, ministering hope and healing in the local church, or helping a woman look good and feel good about her physcial appearance with a nice hair stye.
However, my heart would not remain content. It seemed as if I was missing the core element of who God created me to be. I know that I was called to work with people specificly. I know that what I was called to do was to help others feel better in some way. I prayed about it often. My heart longed to make a difference in the lives of others in that special way that was unique for me.
I started believing that God was leading me to seek the true desires of my heart.
The true desires of the heart are given to use before we are ever concieved.
Look at what God spoke to the prophet Jeremiah…
The Lord spoke his word to me,“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose. I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations …” Jeremiah 1:4-5 (GW)
The Lord called Jerimiah to be a prophet to nations, but who did God call me to be?
I continued to pray, listen and hope. Not for a new role, but for God’s desire for me.
Philipians 2:13 states…
It is God who produces in you the desires and actions that please him (GW)
I felt the Lord leading me to write. But, even with this knowing I still had fears, doubts, and self-limiting believes in my ability to do so. I could not fathom in my mind how a nurse could become a writer. Even though I made attempt to do so, I could not reason within myself how to make it a reality.
After a long period of contemplative darkness in my life, which I still believe I am in the middle of, I have come to understand that the core of who I am will never have wings enough to fly to the heights to which God is calling me, unless I grow closer, more intimate, and find my true happiness in my relationship with Him.
As the words says…..
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart psalm 37:4( NIV)
I like the Good News version of the verse…
Seek your happiness in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desire.
If you too are at a place in you life where you are ready to discover the real you and uncover God’s desire and purpose for your life, start seeking your happiness in the Lord.
When you start seeking happiness in him, through bible reading, prayer, contemplatve meditation (on His Word), and fellowship with other Christian women, you just might be suprised at what God speaks to you heart.
So, ladies, get you pens and journals ready to capture His word to you.
Be Blessed Faith Pals,