Have you ever found yourself having a conversation in the wee hours of the moring with yourself? I’m not saying a conversation where you actually talking out loud, but experiencing an internal dialogue. Usually these conversations happen before you are fully awake, but most often are alert enough to recall the moment. I had such a conversation this morning.
I was in the half awake, half asleep hours of the morning. My pillows felt like a soft pile of goodness under my head and my covers embraced me like a feeling of the security and warm you may feel on a cold snowy night sitting in front of a fire place, with a cup of hot chocolate, a thick, old, but comfy robe. I was comfortable, at peace, with no plans of doing anything other than enjoying more of those pillows and covers for quite some time. However, …. There was this internal dialogue going on without my permission.
The first voice I heard said “I want to get up early to write.” I could feel myself slipping into a rational thinking pattern, as I often do, especially when I’m fully awake. I was about to convince this voice that interrupted my sleep, of the many reasons why I should sleep in… why I had every right to sleep in. After all it was Saturday morning.
Just as soon as I started rationalizing, I heard another voice, a bold, matter of fact voice deeper within me say, “I choose to get up early and write.” That second voice did not hesitate, it did not rationalize, it spoke with conviction. But, then the battle begins.
Even though I was half awake, half asleep, the conversation continued. It was so clear, “Want or Choose? Hmmmm.” I then heard the wisdom of the voice within me, the bold voice, the true me, the authentic me say, “I choose to get up early and write. I choose to follow my heart, I choose my God-inspired dreams.”
No, I am not losing my mind. I am sure that everyone has internal dialogue. The voice of reason at odds with the authentic voice. The voice of reason has it’s time and place in your life, but the authentic voice desires the real you to shine, to live boldly, to get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes this internal dialogue between the two is heard during seasons of change and transformation in your life, even daily when you have to decide what to do next, to choose between right or wrong, to choose your best yes in that moment.
I’ve heard it said somewhere that a goal without a plan is just a wish. During my early, early morning dialogue, I heard something similar,” a want or just a wish.” I decided in that very moment that what I desired was more than just a wish. What I desire is a God-inspired vision for my future. The ironic thing is that even with making that decision, the dialogue within me did not stop there.
The voice of wisdom within me instructed me that my writing should openly reflect my hopes, my desire to overcome this internal struggle. The struggle between the rational me that seeks comfort, the familiar, the easy way, the safe and secure way of life. But, the authentic, intuitive, God-believing me desires to get out of my comfort zone, step into the unfamiliar, do what’s most challenging, trust the voice of wisdom within, live truly by faith, willing to go wherever and do whatever in spite of my fears, honoring and bringing Glory to God by choosing to live out the dreams, the visions He has placed within my heart.
Matthew 5:16 say’s …
Let your light shine so others can see it. Then they will see the good things you do. And they will bring glory to your Father who is in heaven.
God desires that I choose to live my dreams out loud, the dreams and words He has inspired me to write. Writing in not a about me. Writing is about sharing my faith, the teachings of God and how to walk out His words by faith, and having the courage to let my light shine so other can see the good that I do and hopefully have the courage to live out their own God-inspired dreams. This good includes the willingness to be vulnerable, to share my struggles, as well as my triumphs, so that all of this may bring glory to God or Father.
Full disclosure… I did not get out of bed immediately, it was somewhere around 4:30am that this dialogue started. However, I did get up just before the sun peaked through the darkness of the sky. When I stepped from beneath the comforts of my covers and my feet touched the carpeted floor, and as I reached for my robe, I heard my voice of reason again saying, it’s Saturday you can sleep in a bit and start writing around 8am. But, I said to myself, “I choose to get up early and write.”
So, I decided that I would make for myself a cup of coffee and would not do anything else other than spend time with God and write before I allowed myself to get distracted by anyone or anything. So, I sipped on my coffee as I contemplated the earlier dialogue. I then felt the urge to pull out my journal and I wrote most of this blog post. I hope that these words inspire and encourage you in some way.
Mindful Living Tip- Ponder this question for yourself. “Do I want to pursue and live my God-inspired dreams or do I choose to pursue and live my God-inspired dreams?”
Also, remember we all have different hopes and dreams. God may be impressing on your heart a dream of being healthy, getting financially fit, building a Godly home, repairing relationships, moving past relationships that are toxic to your life, taking time to honor and care for yourself, experiencing the world through traveling, answering a call to ministry, going back to school to get a degree, discover the purpose and meaning for your life. Spend quality time in God’s presence, reading scripture, praying, listening, meditating on His word throughout the day. Trust me in doing so, God will begin to whisper wisdom of truth to your heart.